


staring at the mess i made

by zapataspatterson



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I Don't Even Know, hate sex?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 08:25:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14101365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zapataspatterson/pseuds/zapataspatterson
Summary: Set in 3x16. Patterson finds out Borden is alive, Tasha tries to explain herself. Things do not go well.





	staring at the mess i made

**Author's Note:**

> i blame this on the gc

That wasn’t how Patterson was supposed to find out that Borden is alive.

That wasn’t how the team was supposed to find out.

Tasha had done her best to keep the dragonfly tattoo under wraps – she even diverted everyone’s attention from it. But of course, Patterson would be the first to crack it. She always was.

And now everything had blown up in her face.

It was clear that the team wasn’t happy with the fact that Borden had a deal with the CIA, it was clear that they were mad and even clearer that Patterson was hurt and upset.

Her intentions _were_ good. She tried to convince Keaton to give Borden to the FBI so they could put him away for life, but her boss wasn’t keen on that. He claimed that the criminal would be a good asset for them and he was. The intel he provided the CIA with was good and they could do a lot of things with it, but that didn’t matter to the team; to her _family_.

She agreed to be Borden’s handler because that way she would be able to keep an eye on him and make sure he would never try to contact Patterson again. That had worked out just well until she was assigned to work on the conjoint task force with the FBI and a new agent took her place as Borden’s handler.

The air in the room felt heavy, tense, like any sudden movement would disarm a bomb and make everything fall apart. When Patterson left the room, she knew she had to go after her. She had to explain her side of the story, her motives to do what she did.

“Patterson!” Tasha called out, but the blonde kept walking. “I am _so_ sorry,” that was what made her stop in her tracks and look back at her. “You have no idea how hard it was for me to keep that from you.”

“How hard it was for you?” Patterson asked in disbelief. “I can still feel his hands on me when I try to fall asleep at night. Because before he beat me, shot me and put a tracking device in me, he used to sleep in my bed.”

Tasha’s eyes were filled with tears because she couldn’t handle the fact _she_ was the one who had hurt her best friend. “I know…”

“All this time, you knew he was still out there and you said nothing.” Patterson furrowed her brow, a look of incredulity crossing her features.

“I was trying to protect you,” Tasha replied as she got closer to Patterson. “I thought it would be better if you never knew he was alive.”

“It tormented me that he died on his own terms!” Patterson exclaimed at the same time a tear rolled down Zapata’s cheek. “All I wanted was to put him in prison to take back a fraction of the control that he took away from me! You got a second chance and you should have given me that. But instead you chose to work with him.”

Tasha sniffled and pulled her shoulders back. “I had to. It is my job.”

“You’re my best friend,” her voice cracked. “Whatever it would’ve cost you to say no, you should have cared about me more.” She stated and turned her back to the other woman, leaving her alone in the hallway.

Tasha watched as Patterson walked away, her eyes filling with tears once again. She betrayed her best friend and had no one to blame but herself. _'Why did I accept being Borden’s handler?'_   She thought, leaning against the wall and banging her head against it.

A minute had passed when the door opened again and a hand grabbed her wrist, pulling her roughly. “What…” She trailed off as Patterson dragged her away. “What are you doing?”

No answer.

“Patterson, stop!” She screamed and looked around confusedly. They were in the locker room. “What are you doing?”

“Shut up,” the blonde growled as she locked her door. “Do you have any idea how I feel right now?” She asked with a humorless laugh and put a finger up when Tasha opened her mouth. “I said shut up.”

Zapata gulped and nodded her head. “You have _no_ idea how I feel,” she whispered, stepping closer to her. “You lied to me. You broke my trust.” She pushed Tasha against a locker, the sound of her body hitting the metal echoing across the empty room. “You don’t get to feel bad when _you_ were the one working with the man who ruined my life.”

“I-“ Tasha began, only to be cut off by soft lips being pressed against her own.

Patterson was kissing her.

_Patterson._

The woman who was furious at her not even five minutes ago is now kissing her and, truth be told, she was enjoying it. The kiss wasn’t slow or romantic, on the contrary, it was rough. Patterson’s hands were in her hair, tugging at it while their mouths clashed together, teeth bumping and tongues sliding against each other’s. Tasha could feel all of Patterson’s anger and hurt being poured into the kiss.

They pulled back after a few minutes, out of breath and swollen lips. Tasha leaned her head back against the locker, Patterson’s lips immediately found her jaw, kissing her way down to her neck and nipping at the sensitive skin.

“Patterson,” Tasha moaned as she tangled her fingers into her blonde locks. “What are you doing?” She asked, halting the other woman’s movements.

“Please,” Patterson pleaded, blue eyes finding chocolate ones. “Let me have this.” She whispered and brushed her lips against Tasha’s, feeling the other woman inhale deeply.

The brunette’s slight nod was enough for her to crash their lips together again, this time with more fire than before. Tasha angled her head to deepen the kiss as Patterson pressed a thigh between her legs and gripped her hips. Zapata moaned into the other woman’s mouth, grinding down on her thigh and using her hands to bring Patterson even closer; she could feel herself getting wetter with each touch.

Patterson was the one to break the kiss, unbuttoning Tasha’s shirt as her mouth worked on her neck. She sucked hard on her pulse point, making Tasha moan in pleasure and slid the shirt off her shoulders, her nails grazing the bare skin of Tasha’s slim back.

All coherent thoughts slipped from Tasha’s mind when the agent’s tongue licked a path from her collarbone down to her breasts. Patterson quickly got rid of the garment covering them, her mouth latching onto a nipple and sucking while squeezing the other breast.

Tasha reached for her, fingers threading into blonde tresses and keeping her in place. “Patterson…”

The woman nibbled on the sensitive bud, lips twitching at the pained sound that left Tasha’s mouth. “Don’t speak,” Patterson said sternly. “Or I’ll stop.”

Zapata gulped, her mouth hanging open as Patterson bit down on her throat and slid her hand into her pants, cupping her through her panties. She exhaled sharply when the blonde pressed her fingers against her and began to rub.

“You like that?” Patterson breathed in her ear, her lips brushing the shell as her fingers rubbed harder. Tasha shivered, her hips bucking on their own accord as a silent confirmation that yes, she liked that, but she also needed _more_.

Patterson slid her hand beneath her panties, feeling Tasha’s wetness coat her fingers before sliding two fingers inside her. The brunette cried out, her head thumping back as Patterson touched and stroked her.

Her body felt hot. Her nipples ached. She curled her fingers into Patterson’s shoulders and pushed herself against skilled fingers. Deep in her belly, she could feel the tension building.

Patterson worked her fingers in and out, curling and scissoring, feeling Tasha’s walls clench against them whenever she hit that sweet spot. Her thumb found her clit, making circular movements as her fingers continued to fuck Tasha.

Tasha clenched hard around Patterson’s fingers, her body rising. She cried out, her body erupting with white-hot pleasure. The blonde was there with her, every step of the way. She coaxed Tasha out of her orgasm, bringing her down from her high with soft kisses.

Suddenly, Tasha felt cold.

She blinked her eyes open to find Patterson leaned over the sink, her head down. Tasha looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was a mess, her lips were swollen and there were bruises forming in her neck and chest.

She grabbed her bra and shirt off the floor, putting them on again before walking over to the blonde and placing her hand on her lower back. Patterson jumped at the sudden touch and pulled away from her as if it had burned her. “Hey…” Tasha began, only to be interrupted.

“God, I-“ Patterson shook her head as she ran her fingers through her hair. “I shouldn’t have done that,” she said, her eyes finding Tasha’s. “I was just _so_ mad. At you. At Borden. At myself. I don’t know what came over me.”

 “It’s ok-“

“It’s not okay, Tasha!” Patterson exclaimed, her voice rising. “I thought he was _dead_. I’ve moved apartments seven times in the past two years because a small part of my brain was still scared that he would find me and torture me again and I always thought that it was an irrational fear because he was dead. But he’s alive. He’s alive and he’s here and _you_ knew it and kept it away from me! So, no, Tasha, it’s not okay. It’ll never be okay.”

“I wanted to protect you,” Tasha and Patterson said at the same time and the blonde snorted, shaking her head and putting more space between them.

“If you wanted to protect me, you would have told me. That night at the hospital, you told me it was just a dream. You had the chance to tell me right there that he was alive but chose not to. You lied to me and gave me a false sense of security,” Patterson’s voice cracked and a tear rolled down her cheek. “I just-” she sniffled, walking toward the door and unlocking it. “I can’t.” She breathed out before walking out, leaving Tasha alone with her own thoughts and wondering what the hell had just happened.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know if this counts as hate sex but anyways... i'm in pain


End file.
